Well, I have just left my old boring job as well as a girl I loved and her son behind to move on with my own life. Nevertheless, time I spent with her was great experience of letting everything fall freely and destroying myself blindly, sentimentally and physically.
Now she may call and text me once in a while to check whether I have changed my mind about this break-up, like I always did in the past. Been saying goodbye to her at least six or seven times and this I decided must be the last. Oh how she misses me and dreams of me holding her in her sleep.. Such tempetation from her texts sometimes leads to double masturbation for me to calm down and sleep at night. Well we can say the ghost of that love is still haunting me, though it's better now that I fully recognize it as ghost.
After exshauting my two kidneys, damn it I have promised myself so many times to exercise and improve them, I came to realize that life is still a mess. New job with many challenges for one who hasn't really worked anything out for a year. New timeline without a girl to love, to worry about and to hate. New plans for a place of my own and another step of education to pursuit.
All of them made me feel tired and yet keep me from sleeping.
The kidneys send a sign of illness coming up soon. I get out of bed, brush my teeth and suddenly feel the urge to have a glass of whisky. Singleton 18 years of Glenn Ord. Good stuff eventhough it could be better now if there was some dark chocolate in sight. At first partially blocked nose prevents me from smelling the smoke from the liquor, which is so disappointing and I started to think the bottle was spoiled after 2 days! Luckily after a few sniffs full of alcoholic fruity smell, I can feel the smoke again. Only then can I take the full shot, let the liquid slowly run down my throat, bounce back up to my nose while it keeps going along the spine and finally reach the kidneys. Such a good shot.
Why don't I continue to read one of my books now, then sleep and have another start tomorrow? :-)
All the steps have been laid out, now I only need the commitments to achieve.
- Work and pass probation and whatever shit to be an authorized social compliance auditor
- Save money to change all the furniture in this stupid house
- Figure out the interest in education management to start looking for a Master's degree program
- Exercise and work out for a better health and better look
- Well, I guess there's no time left for girls, but I may give it a try to attend that doctrine class with my aunt and her daughter, where they say there's this cute girl who is a Christian. She might at least be a chance to get me argue about religion and stuffs. Always need more communication anyway.
Sleepy now.
